Our Stories: Carolyn Johnson
"Courage Center didn’t shut me out; they invited me to join in."
Whether caused by life circumstances, a traumatic brain injury or biological chemistry, depression is not something you can simply “talk yourself out of.” For Carolyn ‘CJ’ Johnson, 50, depression has been a life-long battle, much of the painful conflict fought in the self-imposed isolation of her home or during numerous hospital stints undergoing intervention and acute treatment.
“But a year ago, that pattern was changed,” said CJ, her voice calm and composed. “That’s when my Hennepin County caseworker suggested I needed an ARMHS person to break this cycle of depression, and I was put in touch with Courage Center.”
Since then, CJ has been participating in two Courage Center programs: Adult Rehabilitative Mental Health Services (ARMHS) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). The two programs work hand-in-hand to help CJ manage her depression and lead a healthier, more independent life.
“Once a week, my ARMHS specialist from Courage Center visits me at home. She asks me how the past week has been, what’s been going on in my life – sort of checks in. She can tell right away if something’s wrong. And, if there is, we talk about it.”
Thanks to CJ’s participation in her DBT group every week at Courage Center, she has comprehensive notes to share with her ARMHS specialist at home.
“In my DBT group, we keep a combination calendar and diary. In it, we record our moods, thoughts, reasons why we might procrastinate, when we take our medications, eat our meals – lots of stuff. We even rate our days from zero to five, with zero being good, five being bad. I use that calendar with my ARMHS specialist, so we both know exactly how my week has progressed.”
CJ’s DBT group also works from a notebook that suggests life situations: together, the group members discuss appropriate behaviors in response to those tricky situations.
“Those discussions really help. For example, I used to lose my temper with my sister. But I’m learning new thinking patterns. Now I can step back and deal with those situations rationally and say, ‘Arguing isn’t that important.’ That helps us both.”
CJ credits her one-on-one work with her ARMHS specialist with helping her hone her coping skills and achieve a number of goals. “For one, she has helped me regain control of my checkbook and finances, which were way out of whack. And now I can get out of my home and take walks or just be out in my neighborhood, which is something I could not make myself do before.”
CJ has a history of pseudo seizures triggered by her depression and anxiety: these, too, have diminished somewhat. “My goal is to continue working with Courage Center to keep reducing the frequency of my seizures, and to get out and do more things. I actually signed up for an evening class: Adults of Aging Parents. I would never have done that in the past. Depression used to control my life.”
But not anymore. CJ has found new enjoyment in her hobbies: needlepoint, counted cross stitch, computer work and baking. A longer-term goal is to return to work – perhaps customer service, something she enjoyed for more than 22 years.
“You know what’s best about my connection to Courage Center? They took my label off. They treat me as a person, not as a label shouting, ‘Depression.’ They didn’t shut me out; they invited me to join in. Without the people at Courage Center, I’d be going back into the hospital. I would not be able to step outside my isolation and be in the world. Now, I can. And, if telling my story encourages someone to get the help he or she needs, I’m happy to do it.”